Are you energetic and outgoing? Do you enjoy traveling? We are looking for the right person for our office here in Washington D.C. The following are helpful skills; however, we will consider all candidates with substantial financial support and public following.
- Must have a strong demeanor—you will be confronted every day of your job
- Must have a sense of humor—you will be the brunt of every joke
- Must have strong leadership ability—you will have only enough power to cause chaos
- Must appear to be a team-player
- Must be an accomplished double-talker
- Must be able to change opinions multiple times if necessary
- Must be available at all times and willing to forgo necessary sleep if needed
- Foreign language is a plus—any attempts will provide more material for international comic strips and late night talk shows
- Articulation is optional—mispronunciation assures attention to your message
- Idealism is a plus but is sure to wane as the job progresses
Great perks–housing provided—including vacation housing. Good benefits. Competitive salary. Apply on television. No phone calls please.