10 Things NOT to buy your new girlfriend for V-day

  1. Stuffed animal (weird, weird)
  2. Heart locket necklace (great if you wanna go steady)
  3. “Napoleon Dynamite” talking key-chain (I know you want one)
  4. Digital scale (just say goodbye now)
  5. Cactus plant(ouch!)
  6. “Gigli” DVD (she doesn’t want to be the 10th person to own it)
  7. Paris Hilton CD (money can’t buy a voice)
  8. Gerbil (nothing says I care like a gerbil)
  9. Rainbow socks with the individual toes (unless she’s 12)
  10. Engagement ring (slow down, buddy)
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