Polar Bears Don’t Have Labor Pains…

I have been poked, drilled a nd mistreated all week. Last month I had a temporary crown put on my tooth until my permanent one was made. On Monday, I went to the dentist so they could tell me that my porcelain crown was broken at the lab. They were very nice about it, even gave me a free dinner (at a restaurant, not at the dentist–yuck!) and said that they didn’t need to do anything. I informed them that my temporary crown was loose and asked if they could fix it. I didn’t want it to fall out and everybody think I was visiting from the hills of West Virginia.

The dental assistant got to work on my crown only to discover that my tooth had broken in my crown. So, they had to start all over again! I got more shots, more drilling and more fingers in my mouth. Now I get to wait another three weeks for my permanent crown!

Today, I had to go to my wonderful gynecological visit. I won’t go into detail about that, don’t worry. What I did want to mention is this interesting chart that was on the wall. I’ve had three children so I’ve been in the ob/gyn offices a few times, but this new doctor had some new “artwork” I hadn’t seen before. Have you ever seen those spaghetti measuring things where you put your spaghetti in the little holes to see how many servings you have? Imagine the same thing, only instead of serving sizes they are cervix sizes!

So, I’m staring at this chart with 1 cm and a tiny little hole, 2 cm, 3 cm, etc. I look at the 10 centimeters and for the first time I really see the size of 10 centimeters. Now, if you’ve had children you know that 10 centimeters is the magic number. That is what you want to hear–that means you are almost done with the most excruciating pain you have ever felt in your life. Guess what? It isn’t very big. My last child was 10 pounds 4 ounces and I don’t know how he made it into this world . . . 10 centimeters is not very big . . . It really isn’t.

My niece was wandering around town and mountain climbing at around 6-8 centimeters. No kidding. I thought, there is no way–that baby is going to fall out. Yeah, right. I saw the chart. If 10 centimeters is small then you know no baby is going to fall out at 6! She ended up with a 10 pounder also. We are blessed with such wonderful genes.

I was reading the other morning about some polar bears. Did you know that a polar bear sleeps through labor? Wow, could you imagine?

Husband: “Good night, honey. Wake me up when the baby is born–I might not hear him!”

Wife: “Okay, I’ll wake you up, have a nice sleep!”

Next morning:

Wife: “Hey, look what I did last night!”

Husband: “Oh, I thought I heard a little cry! Oh, isn’t he cute?”

I really think they need to take that chart-spaghetti-measurer-thingy to high schools across the United States. They can bring the chart and show the size of the newborns and tell the kids to figure that one out. That should scare those hormones for a few years.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. perkidawn
    Feb 18, 2007 @ 21:09:24

    OH what a great idea!!
    “Good morning class. Today we are going to learn how difficult it really is to give birth. This is your cervix fully dilated. This is your baby’s head. Any questions?”
    ROFLOL

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