To REad



Help Wanted Interpreted

In the spirit of my job postings I thought I would give everyone an explanation of some help wanted vocabulary. Sometimes it can get confusing out there and the employers can be rather tricky. So following is a list of common job terms and phrases with their corresponding definitions:

  1. “Must be flexible” although you would think this was referring to an advance yoga pose, it actually means something almost contradictory. It means there will be no yoga, there will be no family, fun or ping pong anymore, you will sacrifice all for the sake of this company.
  2. “No experience necessary” means a monkey could do this job and you will be paid in bananas.
  3. “Promotions Manager” this job is the title given to the people who hand out the free samples at Cosco.
  4. “Please send you salary history” = we won’t pay you more than we have to
  5. “Rewarding job” is a job that will make you feel great about yourself, but won’t pay but 1/4 of the bills.
  6. “Intern” = we really need someone to do all the grunt work for us, but we don’t want to pay anything.
  7. “Event Team Leaders” are the people at the Fairs that hand out the free samples.
  8. “Internet Ninja” = we are a start-up, expect to work hard, but don’t expect to get paid
  9. “Filing clerk” = filing clerk
  10. “Salary Dependent Upon Experience”= see number 4. above
  11. “Call Center Sales” means that people all over will be hanging up on you and calling you horrible names.
  12. “Call Center Lead” not only will people all over the world hate you but your co-workers will too!

I am sure there are many I’ve missed. If you would like to add more please send a résumé or CV along with a cover letter, 3 references, your blood type and 1,000 word paper explaining why you would be perfect for the position of adding more job descriptions, and I will respond to you in about 3 months if I feel like it.

Home Away from Home

Did you know that hotels do not wash their comforters or bedspreads? Can you just imagine what’s on them after so many different people have slept in the beds? Did you know that bed bugs feed off of human flesh?

This reminds me of a time when my husband and I were first married. We got married fairly young, just out of middle school. We didn’t have a huge amount of money when we were first married–some things never change! We survived on corn flakes-the generic ones-and love.

Anyway, one weekend after saving up some nickels I decided to surprise my H. with a romantic night away in the North Carolina mountains (we lived in SC at this time otherwise it would have been a long drive). Most of the nice bed and breakfasts were out of my nickel-range so I was elated when I came upon a less expensive room. This room was to look out over the river and sounded charming.

My husband was thrilled about the night I had planned and didn’t even care where we went-imagine that? So, we got in the car and drove up into the mountains. After a few wrong turns we made it to our idyllic retreat.

The living room area was actually not too bad rather cozy. The owners greeted us–she had most of her teeth and I don’t know if her husband had any as he just nodded, his straw hat bobbing up and down. The proprietor showed us our romantic room over looking the river. The bed was one of those cushy beds where you can see the middle sagging after decades of use. The river was not rushing by; it was a creek with a bit of water, a paper cup, a tire, and an old boot.

I was ready to rush out of there–my husband was ready to spend the night. I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, but I knew I couldn’t stay there. It was when we were introduced to the other guest when I begged H. to tell them we couldn’t stay. He was about 7 feet tall and when I looked up at him I swear the music from Psycho was playing in the background. He smiled at us and nodded and I was ready to run. I pulled H. to the side and begged him to tell them no thank you. He quickly said that it wasn’t going to work for tonight and the three looked as though they lost their best friend. I breathed a sigh of relief as we drove home back to our clean comforter.  

Apparently Turkey has Blocked WordPress

I just read it –the wordpress powers that be have confirmed that turkey is blocking wordpress. I have a few questions, like what kind of turkey–is it smoked, sliced or raw? Is it female or male? The female turkeys are bigger than the males–something I found out in Spain. How did it get into the internet to block wordpress? I guess if it’s in the wires than that would answer my first question — it would definitely be smoked turkey. But I guess it could be smoked, cold turkey.

Whatever kind of turkey it is – it is upsetting. I am not even sure if anyone can even read my blog anymore, with that turkey in the way. I wonder if stuffing goes with it– well, not if it’s cold turkey. Mashed potatoes sound good.

Just found out–the country of Turkey is blocking WordPress. What a relief! I just kept thinking how that had to be cleared up before Thanksgiving. 

You know, because of that I am boycotting Turkey — yep, not going to fly to Turkey this year. Nope. They’re gonna feel the heat now.

 (this is the kind of stuff you write when you had a hard day and your first post disappeared –forgive me)

Another Update

Okay, I’ve added my picture on my “About” page. It’s up at the top — the “About” page see it? This was a big step for me. So, if you’re curious about what I look like — or you need a new dart board…. thank you for your support.

Some Updates and Guidance

I have added  a new page — look up — yeah right there it says “Top of Amusement” — do you see it? This page has a short list of some of my favorite posts. They might even be funny. Once in awhile I put a string of words together and it causes emotion — most of the time it’s ambivalence but once in awhile it’s glee.

Next, if you are searching for more of my serious writing look to the right. No, not there, on the computer screen, do you see the “Broowaha” button? Yeah, that will link you to my more serious stuff — just in case you want a taste of my serious side — yes, I have one– it’s my backside I think.

And finally, do you see that cute button with the kitten on it? It’s also to the right — no, on the computer screen. That cute little button should be clicked on many times a day. You will receive prizes. Remember to pick door number 5! Okay, no prizes, but it will link you to some funny posts. I am on this list — just click on it and keep scrolling down, keep scrolling down until you see a-muse-ing. See it? See that pitiful score? Submit a complaint. This score is pitiful. So what if I’m not as funny as the rest. I’m not used to such low scores — isn’t that like an “F”? I don’t get those kind of grades. I was one of those strange nerdy kids that cried when she got an A- in High School. I cried all the time in college.

Okay, you can go back to work now. I’m sorry if this was confusing. So many directions– look up, to the right, click. I didn’t mean to make it so technical.

Yes, I am. Except when I’m lugubrious

You Belong in Spring

Optimistic, lively, and almost always happy with the world…
You can truly appreciate the blooming nature of spring.
Whether you’re planting flowers or dyeing Easter eggs, spring is definitely your season!

What Season Are You?

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