Home Away from Home

Did you know that hotels do not wash their comforters or bedspreads? Can you just imagine what’s on them after so many different people have slept in the beds? Did you know that bed bugs feed off of human flesh?

This reminds me of a time when my husband and I were first married. We got married fairly young, just out of middle school. We didn’t have a huge amount of money when we were first married–some things never change! We survived on corn flakes-the generic ones-and love.

Anyway, one weekend after saving up some nickels I decided to surprise my H. with a romantic night away in the North Carolina mountains (we lived in SC at this time otherwise it would have been a long drive). Most of the nice bed and breakfasts were out of my nickel-range so I was elated when I came upon a less expensive room. This room was to look out over the river and sounded charming.

My husband was thrilled about the night I had planned and didn’t even care where we went-imagine that? So, we got in the car and drove up into the mountains. After a few wrong turns we made it to our idyllic retreat.

The living room area was actually not too bad rather cozy. The owners greeted us–she had most of her teeth and I don’t know if her husband had any as he just nodded, his straw hat bobbing up and down. The proprietor showed us our romantic room over looking the river. The bed was one of those cushy beds where you can see the middle sagging after decades of use. The river was not rushing by; it was a creek with a bit of water, a paper cup, a tire, and an old boot.

I was ready to rush out of there–my husband was ready to spend the night. I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, but I knew I couldn’t stay there. It was when we were introduced to the other guest when I begged H. to tell them we couldn’t stay. He was about 7 feet tall and when I looked up at him I swear the music from Psycho was playing in the background. He smiled at us and nodded and I was ready to run. I pulled H. to the side and begged him to tell them no thank you. He quickly said that it wasn’t going to work for tonight and the three looked as though they lost their best friend. I breathed a sigh of relief as we drove home back to our clean comforter.  

15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Debbie
    Aug 22, 2007 @ 09:00:12

    So you and Brent (Ominous Comma Brent) both have been married (not to each other of course) forever. What is the secret? No secret? Damn it.

    On a more fulfilling note, my ex-husband’s flesh was eaten up by those lovely little bed-bug bandits! We were in London and decided to go right outside of London to shack up for the night in a little town named Bawtry (he grew up there as a kid). The only bed and breakfast we could find was not the most impressive…same scary people we hoped would not murder us in the middle of the night. It was so unromantic! Everything smelled funky so I stayed wrapped up in my clothes like a freaking cocoon. There was no way hubby was gettin in. He of course said I was being ridiculous. The next morning, he woke up with little red swollen bumps all over his body!! I of course had none and teased him about it the rest of the trip. He did not say a word to the owners of the bed and breakfast. We by-passed the breakfast of death (we were both thinking) without saying a word and booked it out of there.

    To make matters worse, we crashed our little mini rental because my husband at the time was sure he could drive through those “round abouts” on the right side of the car, on the opposite side of the road! Damn ignorant Americans we were. Well, not me, just him.

  2. tobeme
    Aug 22, 2007 @ 11:49:06

    Been there and have done the same thing. Sometimes it’s better to back out gracefully. Good story!

  3. Dan
    Aug 22, 2007 @ 15:41:50

    “Can you just imagine what’s on them after so many different people have slept in the beds?”

    Yes, I can imagine … and now I think I’m gonna hurl! 🙂

  4. Zoning Out Again
    Aug 22, 2007 @ 16:23:59

    Now I feel all itchy with the heebie jeebies!

  5. rjlight
    Aug 22, 2007 @ 19:26:22

    Debbie –now England bed and breakfast well, that’s actually in another league — sorry to say worse because no matter what you pay out your rear. I have been very close to writing a post about Americans in round-abouts because they are idiots when they see one and don’t have a clue what to do. Of course I only know what I’m doing because of the months of driving training and big bucks I shelled out in Spain.
    The secret to staying married is a sense of humor -when he does something stupid (which he will) you try to forget about it and when I nag (which I do) he has to learn to forget about it. So, there isn’t any secret. It’s just hard work! You do know that I was exaggerating by the married right out of middle school comment, right? I’m not from West Virginia.

  6. rjlight
    Aug 22, 2007 @ 19:26:40


  7. rjlight
    Aug 22, 2007 @ 19:27:25

    Dan — don’t stop and think about all of the hotels you’ve slept in — don’t even think about all those bugs and germs and gunk. don’t.

  8. rjlight
    Aug 22, 2007 @ 19:28:21

    zoning out — yes, those heebie jeebies are real…beware of the hotel bedspread…

  9. Debbie
    Aug 23, 2007 @ 06:59:33

    You were exaggerating about marrying in middle school? I kind of guessed that was the case, this being a humor blog and all. I still get the feeling you have been married for quite some time.

    I’ve always “ranked” a sense of humor high on the list. Unfortunately, it did not come in handy when I found out my hubby was having an affair while I was 8 months pregnant with his child. Yikes! Yep, I can pick em.

  10. rjlight
    Aug 23, 2007 @ 07:44:23

    Debbie — yes, I was exaggerating–we got married right out of elementary school!
    Sorry about the jackass that cheated on you. Any man that cheats on a woman is bad enough but when she is carrying their child and already feeling quite vulnerable– that is just the lowest–that is way passed stupidity.

  11. Theresa
    Aug 23, 2007 @ 07:55:31

    Eeew! Don’t remind me of such things so soon after having spent the night in one of the cheapest motels you can imagine.

  12. Candace Salima
    Aug 23, 2007 @ 09:14:11

    Hysterical! I’m glad you ended up leaving that night. With the music of Psycho playing in your head there wouldn’t have been anything romantic going on anyway!

  13. Debbie
    Aug 23, 2007 @ 09:49:09

    Elementary school? Now that’s more like it!

    Yep, my marriage to Jackass was a difficult experience. The good news is I have the most adorable son on the planet. He is so amazing he takes my breath away.

  14. Jenna
    Aug 25, 2007 @ 16:39:46

    Gross about the bedspreads. I’ll keep my comment G-rated, but I’m afraid flesh-eating bedbugs would be the LEAST of my concerns!

  15. bed and breakfasts
    Feb 16, 2008 @ 08:36:46

    I wanted to thank you for taking the time to write this article. I found it to be very interesting as I can relate to this very well. I look forward to you writing again.

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