Help Wanted Interpreted

In the spirit of my job postings I thought I would give everyone an explanation of some help wanted vocabulary. Sometimes it can get confusing out there and the employers can be rather tricky. So following is a list of common job terms and phrases with their corresponding definitions:

  1. “Must be flexible” although you would think this was referring to an advance yoga pose, it actually means something almost contradictory. It means there will be no yoga, there will be no family, fun or ping pong anymore, you will sacrifice all for the sake of this company.
  2. “No experience necessary” means a monkey could do this job and you will be paid in bananas.
  3. “Promotions Manager” this job is the title given to the people who hand out the free samples at Cosco.
  4. “Please send you salary history” = we won’t pay you more than we have to
  5. “Rewarding job” is a job that will make you feel great about yourself, but won’t pay but 1/4 of the bills.
  6. “Intern” = we really need someone to do all the grunt work for us, but we don’t want to pay anything.
  7. “Event Team Leaders” are the people at the Fairs that hand out the free samples.
  8. “Internet Ninja” = we are a start-up, expect to work hard, but don’t expect to get paid
  9. “Filing clerk” = filing clerk
  10. “Salary Dependent Upon Experience”= see number 4. above
  11. “Call Center Sales” means that people all over will be hanging up on you and calling you horrible names.
  12. “Call Center Lead” not only will people all over the world hate you but your co-workers will too!

I am sure there are many I’ve missed. If you would like to add more please send a résumé or CV along with a cover letter, 3 references, your blood type and 1,000 word paper explaining why you would be perfect for the position of adding more job descriptions, and I will respond to you in about 3 months if I feel like it.

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bee
    Aug 25, 2007 @ 16:02:47

    That was hilarious! I’d like to print this and put it by our copier…

  2. Jenna
    Aug 25, 2007 @ 16:36:26

    Yep, you’ve got them figured out! I’ll help you get the word out.

  3. Candace Salima
    Aug 26, 2007 @ 09:37:00

    Loved it!

  4. Ask Lucid
    Aug 26, 2007 @ 15:41:38

    Lol … that is not only funny, it is true! You should submit this to a magazine or something like Reader’s Digest. It is a cute, short, truth, but funny article! Hey, maybe you can make a few bucks off of it 🙂 Ya never know!

  5. Theresa
    Aug 27, 2007 @ 03:38:58

    Brilliant, and too true!

  6. tobeme
    Aug 27, 2007 @ 10:06:02

    Funny stuff! I have had most of these at one time or another.

  7. rjlight
    Aug 27, 2007 @ 10:15:32

    Bee– thanks so much and thanks for commenting!

  8. rjlight
    Aug 27, 2007 @ 10:16:05

    Jenna–yep, get that word out!

    Candace — thanks!

  9. rjlight
    Aug 27, 2007 @ 10:16:42

    Lucid – hmmm, that is so sweet.

  10. rjlight
    Aug 27, 2007 @ 10:17:37

    Theresa — thanks! Should I do one in Spanish too? ha!

    tobeme- thanks for your comment — I guess we’ve all been there…

  11. Madmad
    Aug 29, 2007 @ 16:18:53

    Sigh. I wish I’d thought of this first! Excellent. Maybe I’ll just send people over here to read it…!

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