When I was in 8th grade I had to get glasses. Apparently most people could see the leaves on the trees, but I couldn’t. My mom and older siblings said it was because I had watched too much television. They said the last 3 kids watched more television than the first 5 kids, and they were the only ones who needed glasses; therefore, it was the result of watching too much television. I’m not so sure if I agree with this theory. It might explain why we’re stupid, but I don’t know if it has anything to do with nearsightedness.
Glasses in the 80’s were hideous. No one wore glasses as an accessory, they were big and ugly. I wore my glasses for about a week and then begged my mom to let me try contact lenses. She eventually relented, and I could see the leaves again.
I wore contact lenses ever since then. I’ve had moments when I needed to weare my glasses, but for the most part I only wore them at home. A few months ago I got some new glasses. For the first time I actually like my glasses, and wear them when I want to look smart. I think I’m wearing them in my “About” page. I wanted to look like a writer and thought the glasses helped.
Now you know why I sometimes wear my glasses. So, you ask, why don’t you wear them all of the time? Well, I’m glad you asked.
- Shower shaving. You can’t wear glasses in the shower, so when I’m wearing my glasses I have to shave blind. Do you know how scary it is searching for your limbs with a sharp instrument?
- Sunshine. I get headaches very quickly from the bright glare of the sun and must wear sunglasses. I didn’t pay for the prescription sunglasses so I put my sunglasses on top of my glasses–very attractive. It’s not that big of a deal when I’m driving in my car, but when I forget and go into a store wearing 2 pairs of glasses people look at me.
- Morning. I hate waking up in the morning and not being able to see the alarm clock. I try to squint, but that only brings the wall slightly into focus and increases wrinkles. So I have to search for my glasses and knock everything off of my table just to find out that I have 10 more minutes of silence.
- Baking. Have you ever opened a hot oven with glasses on? Here you are with 400 degrees blowing in your face and you can’t see to get out grandma’s winning struddle.
- Vanity. Yes, I think I am prettier without them and well, I’m afraid of getting called four-eyes.
There are some days that I try to give people the impression that I have a brain and put on my glasses. I have learned not to shave on those days to avoid having to sop up any blood.