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Job Experience — Part I

I am going to start a series of posts about my former jobs. My nephew (who is only 4 years younger) likes to tease me about the different jobs I’ve held. I mentioned in another post my police academy ambition. Now, I will actually share some lessons learned and moments from my eclectic job life–because I think I’m a celebrity and you would like to know these things.

My first paying job was a typical first job — babysitting. Since I am the youngest of eight kids, I was the babysitter for many of my nieces and nephews. I actually started babysitting when I was in the 5th grade. I can’t imagine my oldest son babysitting right now. I was either more mature than that average 5th grader, or my sister was desperate to get out of the house.

As I got a bit older I started to babysit for other people as well. Now with my three kids, I wish I was around to babysit my kids now. That was confusing. My point being–I would like to have a dependable babysitter for my kids now at the rate I got paid. I was paid 50 cents per kid per hour. Now, babysitters charge about $10 an hour for one child!

Lessons learned from babysitter positions:

  • When a pea gets stuck in a child’s nose, don’t panic, just hand them a tissue and tell them to blow real hard
  • It is easy to get a kid to laugh, but difficult to get them to stop laughing
  • Kids always puke on hard-to-wash surfaces

  Perks of the job:

  • Jello Pudding Pops — not in stores anymore 
  • Popcorn
  • Pizza
  • Water skiing lessons
  • Jet ski rides

Would I do this job again?

Not for 50 cents an hour per kid, no I do it now for free!

Ice Cream Maker and George Clooney

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5 minutes for mom is having another big giveaway and since I like free stuff, and I’m gonna guess you do too — here’s the link for you to enter. Okay, I have dibs on the ice cream maker. I realized how stupid I am — once I saw the ice cream maker I didn’t even look to see what the other prizes are…There could be trip to Hawaii — okay, probably not. Hawaii, ice cream, Hawaii, ice cream — I don’t know hard decision.

I was thinking that the tuesday ice cream posts have gotten well, kinda like the gooey ice cream stuck to the bottom of the cheap ice cream carton–you know what I mean? Yeah, old. Just think if I won that Krups maker I could well, share my personal ice cream creations. People would check out my blog from all over the world just to experience my almost-humor and award winning ice cream recipes. I would get so famous that I would have a talk show featuring “Ice Cream Tuesdays”. I would have guests on my show like George Clooney and George Clooney and did I say George Clooney?

“We” are pregnant?

No, I’m not pregnant and my husband is not pregnant. As a matter of fact my husband has never been pregnant. I just want to make it very clear “we” cannot be pregnant unless the “we” is two women. To be pregnant is to carry a fetus. At this time in history men cannot carry fetusus (I so wanted to say feti) maybe when we get the cow to jump over the moon men will carry fetusus. “We” cannot carry the fetus, “we” cannot feel the contractions, “we” cannot push the baby out and “we” cannot breastfeed.

Now I don’t know how this got started. Did it start with that 1994 Junior movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger in his pre-governator days? Did people really think that carrying the fetus was a shared experience after watching that movie? Did some man decide that the woman was getting too much attention so he decided to say that “we” were pregnant? I don’t know but “we” can make a baby and we can expect a baby to come, however, “we”cannot be pregnant.

Now, if when people are saying that “we” are pregnant as in we are “abounding in fancy, wit or resourcefulness” then that is correct. I don’t, however, think that is what people are meaning to say unless it is a coincidence that she happens to be carrying a fetus at the same time she and her husband are pregnant as in “abounding in fancy, wit or resourcefulness.” I do have to say my husband and I have been in that situation three times — “abounding in …. ” while I was pregnant.

Last night as I was ranting about the “we” pregnant thing to my husband he mentioned that royalty could say “we are pregnant”  as in the royal we. Because the royal crown is considered to belong to the people, apparently, when royalty gets pregnant it’s the whole country carrying the fetus.  Okay, I’ll let all of England carry those royal babies, but here in the US can “we” stop being pregnant? We are done with this post now. We are going to get something to eat.

Yes, he takes after me

I was writing. I should have been cutting out paperdolls or giving a puppet show or teaching about the difference between baking soda and baking powder — you know the things good moms do. I was writing, and then I heard something. Actually, I heard nothing and that was the danger. I imagined, when I went to investigate, I was going to find naked dolls hanging from the ceiling in flames or wet toilet paper stuck to the wall framing a colorful mural.

I slowly walked into my son’s room to find my 5-year-old daughter and my 22-month-old son playing chess. I’m not sure who was winning, but my toddler was clapping.

early mother’s day gift

Yesterday, while I was laboring over dinner,  I heard my daughter come in from outside holding something unrecognizable in her hand,

“Mom, I found this hairy thing, do you know what it is?”

I sent her back outside.

spring break means…

hearing “mom” 100 times a day instead of 50

saying “take that out of your nose” a few times a day

half-completed writing attempts all over the house

there will be no “lather, rinse, repeat” in the shower–I’ll go straight for the conditioner to save time

bathroom time is interrupted by the sound of screaming in the other room 

the librarians call out our names when we walk into the library 

when my husband asks me about my day I reply with “no casualties”

if the house is quiet then somebody is decorating their room with baby wipes

the kids will be sent outside to play unless there are flash flood or tornado warnings and even that depends on the severity

I’ll need to remind myself that soon they will grow up and I will be dyeing my hair and thinking up young, hip words to replace “grandma”

I need to end this post to take playdough off the ceiling even though I still have more witty insights to share

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