I’ve Seen Worse

I’ve read some great humor blogs. I mean I have read some blogs that have made me stand in awe at how well these bloggers have crafted such phrases of wit. These writers make writing humor look easy.  Writing humor is far from easy. And after reading those blogs, I think about never picking up a pen keyboard again.

I’ve also seen articles labeled as “humor” that made me cringe a bit. I write for a website every now and then. Actually I write for a few websites every now and then. Anyway, this website is a collaboration of different writers about various topics. It has a humor section. Well, it has a section labeled “humor”. I have read article after article in that section and have not even come close to smiling. I have cringed many times. I don’t think humor is even a target when they have written these articles. At least I hope it isn’t. Maybe they are putting their articles in the wrong subject?

I know that I’m no Seinfeld (his birthday is the day after mine though, so I think that means I have the potential. I’m not even close to being as old as him though. I’m not taking about the year he was born); however, I also know that I can make people laugh once in awhile with my writing. As strange as it might sound, reading those articles actually gave me some hope. I figure if that many people can write so much that isn’t even close to funny, then I have a reason not to quit. There are people that need my writing. The world would’nt be the same without my arduous attempts at making people smile.  And for both of you readers out there, I pledge to continue on this writing journey until I make it to the White House.

 

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Sometimes You Need Some Inspiration

Sometimes I think writer’s face writer’s block not because of a lack of something to say, but because of having too much to say and not knowing how to put it out there. Sometimes a break from writing is good, and sometimes it’s a change of scenery, or just writing something different from your normal writing. For whatever reason, writer’s get stuck. Here are a few quotes to help inspire you to keep on writing, laughing, and eating (they have nothing to do with eating, but I like to eat.)

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

“Write something to suit yourself and many people will like it; write something to suit everybody and scarcely anyone will care for it.”- Jesse Stuart
“I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back in again.” – Oscar Wilde

“I write to discover what I think.” – Joan Didion

Tired?

I have to admit it, I’m feeling this blog is a bit tired. I feel as though my writing has gone down hill. I’m torn between two blogs, feeling like a fool…

I remember when I first started this blog back in 1995…okay, a year and so ago. My first posts were such a rush. I was so excited to be writing and feeling this excitement that people I didn’t know would be reading my blog. And then when the first comments came it was also a thrill. Then I went through the “why am I blogging stage?” and…okay, I still go through those moments. I’ve gotten tired. Unlike those first few posts where there was excitement to see if any one read my words, now I am looking to see how many people read my posts and rating my writing on the response. The excitement is gone and I’ve gotten off track.

I started blogging because I wanted to write. I still love writing. What I don’t love is checking out job postings for bloggers and writers that pay .02 a word. I realize that it used to be a “penny for your thoughts”, so it has doubled, but that is crazy.

I also don’t like that writing can be tedious at times. Some times it is as if the words just pour out of my fingertips and other times I spend more time hitting the backspace key than anything else. I have a degree in accounting, so why can’t I just pound numbers all day and be done with it? Because, I still believe that I am suppose to write. Even if no one reads my words, even if people roll their eyes in my attempts to give someone a smile, no matter what, I am supposed to write. That is what I must focus on. Even when the rejection letters come in the mail, and my writing is far from entertaining, even then I must write.

(Bring up the music, dramatic ending, fade to black)

 

So we loaded up the truck and moved to…

Fresno. Yes, we are moving to Fresno, California. We are already in California so it isn’t that big of a move. Bay area, Fresno — they are very similar. Do you want to know what the biggest difference is? Real Estate is almost one-third the price in Fresno that it is in the bay area! So, even though I must say too-da-loo to my ocean, I have to admit that farm land looks mighty good right about now. Actually, Fresno is the 5th largest city in California. Yep, it isn’t all cows and horses anymore. (Thank goodness for my daughter there still are some horses though).

Now, I realize some of my reader’s live a long way from California and know nothing about Fresno. I really don’t know much more except what I wrote in paragraph one. I am getting excited about being able to write more. With the cost of living lower than it is here I plan on focusing on making some extra money at home. My part-time job with numbers turned out to be closer to full-time (actually they are even hiring a full-time person to fill my shoes–what shoes you ask?–the cute brown sandals). I am tired. I can’t keep all the balls in the air. So, I hope to get some more writing jobs. The writing job for the movie website ended. I was a bit discouraged about that and then I got a rejection letter in the mail for a children’s article! So, I am looking for a bit of steady income/projects, etc. so that I can keep my blogs up– yes, plural–I have another blog. I have started a green blog — so you can see my serious green side (my left side I think). It is in it’s baby stages but you can find my second blog — Organic Green Eggs– right here and here (they are the same place, but I thought it sounded cool to say here and here). Since the cost of living is cheaper in Fresno, I wonder how much Ben & Jerry’s organic vegetable ice cream is in Fresno…

Grammar 911

I came upon some information about a website when I was reading one of my writing books. There is a website called the grammar lady. Now I think it is very helpful to have grammar help. Believe me, I know I have a run-on sentence habit like no one else. However, what I found so interesting about this website is that they also have a hotline available M-F from 9 to 5. Well, apparently, they used to have one; however, I couldn’t find it on the current website. I imagine they got bombarded with urgent phone calls and had to discontinue the service. Can’t you just hear the frantic phone calls?

“Grammar lady, my husband just split an infinitive. Should I leave him?”

“I can’t remember how to diagram a sentence and my in-laws are staying the weekend.”

“Should I not never use a double negative or is it not never helpful?”

“I’m having a dinner party tonight and can’t get my subject and verb to agree.”

“My son’s modifiers have been dangling for weeks now. Does he need treatment?”

“Grammar lady, Tom has been speaking in the third person, what should Tom do? Tom would not being calling you if Tom wasn’t serious about needing help. Tom is annoying everyone Tom speaks to.”

Yep, the Emily Post of grammar could get no rest. The phone was ringing off the hook with grammar emergencies. And you thought your life was difficult.

Jobs for Writers

 First, I apologize for those of you who thought I actually had some writing jobs. I didn’t mean to lead you astray. But, I might inspire you so you just read on.

I have been thinking about this writer’s world, and how little money it brings in. I am now getting paid for my writing; however, I probably couldn’t even pay for my ice cream addiction on the amount I make on writing alone. So, I thought about other jobs that could supplement your writing income, and still give you time to do what you enjoy.

Limousine Driver/Chauffeur:

I figure there is probably some down time in this job which would be perfect for writing, or at least taping your thoughts on a recorder to be typed later into an award-winning novel.

Apparently, there are four main criteria for being a limousine chauffeur:

1. The back of your head must be attractive–no dandruff or lice or unsightly cowlicks.

2. You must be able to parallel park a limo.

3. You must be able to complete a 3-point turn on a narrow street in less than 1 minute.

4. You must be able to spell both the words “limousine” and “chauffeur”.

Snow Cone Shop Owner:

Now I would have thought this was a job that would take you out of the home; however, after a trip in an interesting part of a local California town, I found out that you can do this from home.

Apparently you can put a little snow cone kiosk right on your front lawn and make a killing!  And just think, all you need is ice, food-dye loaded corn syrup, and those thin, paper cones. Your inventory costs shouls be inexpensive — I hear ice is reasonably priced. Make sure you buy the very thin paper cone-cups, they shouldn’t last but a minute-probably only cost $1 for 1000 or so. You could write in the morning, and then walk out the front door and open up your little shop in the afternoon when the kids get out of school.

Postal Delivery person

My mailperson scares me everytime I am working on the computer when he delivers mail, because he is talking so loudly on his cell phone. I figure if he can talk on the phone while he delivers mail, writers could record their ideas while they are delivering mail. You will have to put up with the occasional angry dog or crocodile, heavy catalog deliveries, and working on Saturday. However, you will get every holiday off – even those no one else has off-and you might even get a flexible schedule. I know I can expect my mail carrier to delivery my mail anytime between 11:00 am and 6:30pm.

You can take a look

Since people have asked if they could check out the new website that I write for, I guess I will give you the website: Boxoffice. I will be contributing different types of writing, but right now I am covering the Arab Film Festival and if you click on that you will see some short blogs. I will add more the rest of the week, and I am off to see another film in an hour or so.

Hope you enjoy!

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