I had no idea I hadn’t blogged for so long. Sometimes I have all these ideas floating in my head and I convince myself that I blogged about them. Obviously I haven’t been writing about them and I couldn’t tell you what those floating ideas were now. Yes, I know I should have a notepad or recorder by my bed, desk, in the car, etc. I talk myself out of my ideas at times. I will think oh yeah, I need to write about that — that is so funny. Then after about 5 minutes, I realize that it was only funny to me because I saw it happen or because I am strange. Who would think that is funny? So then I think about trying to make it funnier, and by then I have convinced myself that I wrote a funny post.
Writing. Really, do I need such grief in my life? Maybe my desire with success with my writing has taken all the joy out of writing. Maybe all the rejection letters have taken all the joy out of my writing. Yes, I know many wonderful writers have had tons of rejection letters until they got published. I can try to convince myself that I am the next one–that more rejection letters equal later success–but, what if I am just a lousy writer. Now I am not fishing for compliments here. I am honestly taking time to analyze if I am giving writing my best shot, or am I looking for quick success?
I received 4 rejection letters in the last 6 weeks. Writing well doesn’t come easy for me. School came fairly easy for me. All but one of my jobs were unchallenging for me. I played lots of sports and did fairly well. I guess now in life I am faced with something that I can’t accomplish and it drives me crazy. I can’t just study hard and pass the test. I can’t just practice and win the game. I have to depend on someone else to make an opinion on what I’ve done. I can follow all the guidelines and the article is still not good enough for the magazine to publish. I can try to write the funniest post I have ever written and there is no guarantee anyone else will think it is funny. So, do I want to write? Do I enjoy writing? Or am I going to give up because it doesn’t come easy for me?
“I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.” ~Peter De Vries