I’ve Seen Worse

I’ve read some great humor blogs. I mean I have read some blogs that have made me stand in awe at how well these bloggers have crafted such phrases of wit. These writers make writing humor look easy.  Writing humor is far from easy. And after reading those blogs, I think about never picking up a pen keyboard again.

I’ve also seen articles labeled as “humor” that made me cringe a bit. I write for a website every now and then. Actually I write for a few websites every now and then. Anyway, this website is a collaboration of different writers about various topics. It has a humor section. Well, it has a section labeled “humor”. I have read article after article in that section and have not even come close to smiling. I have cringed many times. I don’t think humor is even a target when they have written these articles. At least I hope it isn’t. Maybe they are putting their articles in the wrong subject?

I know that I’m no Seinfeld (his birthday is the day after mine though, so I think that means I have the potential. I’m not even close to being as old as him though. I’m not taking about the year he was born); however, I also know that I can make people laugh once in awhile with my writing. As strange as it might sound, reading those articles actually gave me some hope. I figure if that many people can write so much that isn’t even close to funny, then I have a reason not to quit. There are people that need my writing. The world would’nt be the same without my arduous attempts at making people smile.  And for both of you readers out there, I pledge to continue on this writing journey until I make it to the White House.

 

Advertisements

Sometimes You Need Some Inspiration

Sometimes I think writer’s face writer’s block not because of a lack of something to say, but because of having too much to say and not knowing how to put it out there. Sometimes a break from writing is good, and sometimes it’s a change of scenery, or just writing something different from your normal writing. For whatever reason, writer’s get stuck. Here are a few quotes to help inspire you to keep on writing, laughing, and eating (they have nothing to do with eating, but I like to eat.)

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” – Will Rogers

“Write something to suit yourself and many people will like it; write something to suit everybody and scarcely anyone will care for it.”- Jesse Stuart
“I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back in again.” – Oscar Wilde

“I write to discover what I think.” – Joan Didion

Tired?

I have to admit it, I’m feeling this blog is a bit tired. I feel as though my writing has gone down hill. I’m torn between two blogs, feeling like a fool…

I remember when I first started this blog back in 1995…okay, a year and so ago. My first posts were such a rush. I was so excited to be writing and feeling this excitement that people I didn’t know would be reading my blog. And then when the first comments came it was also a thrill. Then I went through the “why am I blogging stage?” and…okay, I still go through those moments. I’ve gotten tired. Unlike those first few posts where there was excitement to see if any one read my words, now I am looking to see how many people read my posts and rating my writing on the response. The excitement is gone and I’ve gotten off track.

I started blogging because I wanted to write. I still love writing. What I don’t love is checking out job postings for bloggers and writers that pay .02 a word. I realize that it used to be a “penny for your thoughts”, so it has doubled, but that is crazy.

I also don’t like that writing can be tedious at times. Some times it is as if the words just pour out of my fingertips and other times I spend more time hitting the backspace key than anything else. I have a degree in accounting, so why can’t I just pound numbers all day and be done with it? Because, I still believe that I am suppose to write. Even if no one reads my words, even if people roll their eyes in my attempts to give someone a smile, no matter what, I am supposed to write. That is what I must focus on. Even when the rejection letters come in the mail, and my writing is far from entertaining, even then I must write.

(Bring up the music, dramatic ending, fade to black)

 

It’s just a little thing

Have you ever had a splinter in the bottom of your foot? Okay, you probably haven’t. You haven’t walked around barefoot like I do. You are always properly clad with footwear. The other day I had a splinter on the bottom of my foot. It was annoying and I couldn’t imagine how big it was. We were out and about and I didn’t want to put my foot on the table next to the tomatillo salsa and start picking at it. I had to wait a while with this piece of wood digging into my foot as I munched on my chips and guacamole.

Finally, I was in the privacy of our car and I got my tweezers out to take a look at the source of my bellyaching. I searched the bottom of my foot and finally found the tiny speckle causing my discomfort. This pain was caused by something smaller than a pinhead. It was a tiny little black dot at the bottom of my foot making me limp and cry in pain (okay, didn’t hurt that much, I’ve had 3 kids and no pain-killers, I’m tough). How could something so small on the bottom of my foot bother me so much?

For the last two days, I have been frustrated by another little thing.  We moved a couple of weeks ago (that is a huge story that I haven’t been able to tell–but, I will soon, complete with a tv news link later) and got our internet connected. The way the house was wired the best solution was a wireless network. Our laptop isn’t wireless so we had to by an adapter. This tiny wireles adapter has been the adapter from hell.

At first I thought it might be normal to have your internet go down once in awhile, afterall, we are in a construction area. So, around the same time it would go out and I would think — huh, something tripped something or something and my internet access was interuppted (I’m a technical kinda gal you see).

Well, after a few days the down time was happening quite regularly and our computer started to freeze up. So, I started to question if this was a service provider problem or an adapter problem. My sweet husband had set up the old laptap so I could use it. It is slow and has overheating problems (like I do sometimes), but I was able to get on it when this one went down. I started researching my little adapter doohickey and its compatability with Vista. This adapter had so many complaints on the manufacturers forum and not once did the manufacturer address them! So, here I was knowing I was going to have to replace the doohickey with another thingamajig that will probably not work either!

After reading the forums I learned that people had been able to get the adapter to work again by unplugging it and plugging it back in. So now after being so angry with a little piece of equipment, I have found freedom. Now, I am in control. It is like the feeling you have after you finally pull the splinter out of your foot. Everytime it goes down I just pull out the adapter again and laugh an evil laugh,

 “Ha! Ha! now I am going to make you work again!” 

I have to do this about 50 times a day, so the laughter is started to get old. But for now, I can get some writing done and feel like I have some control over something in my life. Of course, I can think that I have control, but that is just an illusion. And I will still walk around barefoot outside.

So we loaded up the truck and moved to…

Fresno. Yes, we are moving to Fresno, California. We are already in California so it isn’t that big of a move. Bay area, Fresno — they are very similar. Do you want to know what the biggest difference is? Real Estate is almost one-third the price in Fresno that it is in the bay area! So, even though I must say too-da-loo to my ocean, I have to admit that farm land looks mighty good right about now. Actually, Fresno is the 5th largest city in California. Yep, it isn’t all cows and horses anymore. (Thank goodness for my daughter there still are some horses though).

Now, I realize some of my reader’s live a long way from California and know nothing about Fresno. I really don’t know much more except what I wrote in paragraph one. I am getting excited about being able to write more. With the cost of living lower than it is here I plan on focusing on making some extra money at home. My part-time job with numbers turned out to be closer to full-time (actually they are even hiring a full-time person to fill my shoes–what shoes you ask?–the cute brown sandals). I am tired. I can’t keep all the balls in the air. So, I hope to get some more writing jobs. The writing job for the movie website ended. I was a bit discouraged about that and then I got a rejection letter in the mail for a children’s article! So, I am looking for a bit of steady income/projects, etc. so that I can keep my blogs up– yes, plural–I have another blog. I have started a green blog — so you can see my serious green side (my left side I think). It is in it’s baby stages but you can find my second blog — Organic Green Eggs– right here and here (they are the same place, but I thought it sounded cool to say here and here). Since the cost of living is cheaper in Fresno, I wonder how much Ben & Jerry’s organic vegetable ice cream is in Fresno…

How stupid are we, really?

I have to admit I enjoy the little “helpful” signs written for idiots. You know the ones with the pictures and the “do not” sign over them.

 Now take this one for example:

cord_icon1.gif

I have to assume that it is for people that like to pull out their cords from a foot away. Or is it in the way the fingers are placed around the cord? With the thumb laying gingerly above the cord? Is that why it’s forbidden?

Or how about this one?

suff.jpg

Now I have to admit there have been times that I have wanted to place my toddler in a tupperware container for a few hours, however, are people really confused about the danger? And who has tupperware bowls this big or are their little itty bitty babies that fit into food storage containers?

Now anyone with children should be familiar with this one:

moon_icon.gif

Yes, a warning to the dangers of michelen tire babies between the ages of 0-3 years. Or are these generic Q-P dolls?

d-007l.jpg

Sorry, for that brief bit of nudity. I do try to keep my website porn-free. (Can you just imagine the spam I will have on this post?)

Anyway, all this to say that as I was pumping gas at my local Cosco, I noticed a very helpful sign. This wasn’t the one telling you not to smoke while pumping gas, although apparently that one is very needed see this if you doubt it. (Some people forget that smoking uses “fire” and gas + fire = very hot. ) No, I am talking about the sign showing you not to pump your gas with the nozzel turned upside down. Now I thought who would do this? Apparently, it is a “key to better fuel economy” according to this AC website. The writer says that you will not get all the fuel you paid for if you don’t turn the nozzle upside down at the end of the pumping. The next person in line will get “4 ounces” you paid for. However, if the person in front of me didn’t know to turn the pump upside down wouldn’t I get his 4 ounces and be even? 

According to the “do not” sign it is dangerous to turn the nozzle upside down. So I am faced with a conundrum. Do I risk life and limb to get the extra 4 ounces when I possibly received 4 extra ounces from the guy before me, or do I follow the do not sign and keep the nozzle right side up? I will spend most of 2008 contemplating my choices, and I’m sure you will too.  

Anniversary — this day on the last day of 2006

This day in history in 2006, I started my blog. It wasn’t named “a-muse-ing” at the beginning. It had some other title which I don’t even remember. I started the new year with a main writing goal: to be published and paid for my writing by year end. I am pleased to say that sitting on my desk is a framed (thanks to my husband) copy of my first writing check. It is dated November 20, 2007—yes, I just made it! You might find the following information amusing. They have directly impacted my life tremendously.

1909: The Manhattan Bridge opened. I don’t remember this.

1948: Donna Summer, singer was born in Boston, MA. I have fond memories of roller skating to her disco tunes many years after that date.

1957: First New Year’s Eve Party in Disneyland. I have fond memories of going to Disneyland, but not on New Year’s Eve.

1969: The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes starring Kurt Russell is released in theatres. I have fond memories of watching movies, but I’ve never seen this classic.

1984: The nation’s first mandatory seatbelt law goes into effect in New York. I have fond memories of putting on my seatbelt in the back seat of my mom’s yellow Ford Pinto Station Wagon, only it was never in New York and it was years earlier. It didn’t stay on for long, on extended trips (trips over 15 minutes), because I would crawl back into the way back and pretend to sleep.

In 2006, Time’s Person of the Year was “You”. I was you then too.

According to the Old Farmer’s Almanac, if you were born on December 31st, you are “impulsive, and emotional in the affairs of the heart, and you need love and devotion to make you happy and contented.” I wasn’t born on December 31 and don’t know anyone who had been born on that date. Although I always thought it would be cool to be the first baby born in the new year. Too late for that one.

2008 is a leap year because it is divisible by four, you can say, a leap year is every four years. Or it’s another day to eat ice cream and watch Brady Brunch reruns.

What are you going to do with that extra day this year?

Previous Older Entries