Help Wanted Interpreted

In the spirit of my job postings I thought I would give everyone an explanation of some help wanted vocabulary. Sometimes it can get confusing out there and the employers can be rather tricky. So following is a list of common job terms and phrases with their corresponding definitions:

  1. “Must be flexible” although you would think this was referring to an advance yoga pose, it actually means something almost contradictory. It means there will be no yoga, there will be no family, fun or ping pong anymore, you will sacrifice all for the sake of this company.
  2. “No experience necessary” means a monkey could do this job and you will be paid in bananas.
  3. “Promotions Manager” this job is the title given to the people who hand out the free samples at Cosco.
  4. “Please send you salary history” = we won’t pay you more than we have to
  5. “Rewarding job” is a job that will make you feel great about yourself, but won’t pay but 1/4 of the bills.
  6. “Intern” = we really need someone to do all the grunt work for us, but we don’t want to pay anything.
  7. “Event Team Leaders” are the people at the Fairs that hand out the free samples.
  8. “Internet Ninja” = we are a start-up, expect to work hard, but don’t expect to get paid
  9. “Filing clerk” = filing clerk
  10. “Salary Dependent Upon Experience”= see number 4. above
  11. “Call Center Sales” means that people all over will be hanging up on you and calling you horrible names.
  12. “Call Center Lead” not only will people all over the world hate you but your co-workers will too!

I am sure there are many I’ve missed. If you would like to add more please send a résumé or CV along with a cover letter, 3 references, your blood type and 1,000 word paper explaining why you would be perfect for the position of adding more job descriptions, and I will respond to you in about 3 months if I feel like it.

Message in a bottle

Sometimes blogging feels like sending a message in a bottle. You write out your thoughts, bundle them tightly in your post, and send them out into the ocean of cyberspace. Can you imagine how you would feel to see that bottle wash up on shore with a reply scribbled on the note?

Everyone who commented on the survey mentioned that they found community in blogging. Some blogged because of community and some found community as an added benefit to blogging. It’s as if our Bridge games of old have been replaced with World of Warcraft (not me) and the religion blogs have replaced the old rabbis debating scripture in the temple. We no longer gather around the soda fountain on the corner — we eat “virtual” ice cream together. Instead of reading the newspaper and chatting about politics, current events, and sports, we read it online and then blog or comment.

Many of us desire to be professional writers and blogging is a way to refine our craft. Writers tend to be perfectionists and very self-critical, so I think it is also a way for us to get feedback, encouraging us that it’s worth the pain and effort.

There is such a feeling of accomplishment when you can take your thoughts and form something that elicits emotion. I think that is the essence of why I write, and I think the online conversation keeps me blogging. One thing that was also mentioned or alluded to was how we learn and grow off of each other — we read each others blogs and comments and then it helps us to look at things in a different way or to show us that we aren’t crazy. Blogging gives us something that writing in isolation cannot give us.

I thank you all for taking the time to comment and for giving me this enjoyable community. Although you might think I only wrote this post to solicit comments, there was another reason as well — I think we learn from questions. I think by answering questions — or at least taking the time to ponder them — it helps us reevaluate our purpose, our goals, our dreams and to find meaning in what we do. I guess that is the lifecoach/existentialist in me.

Why Community is Important

When I die I want someone to find my body quickly. I don’t want people to find me in front of a TV somewhat well preserved. Please check on me–please make sure I haven’t fallen into a very deep sleep watching repeats of  Laverne and Shirley.

Vincenzo Ricardo wasn’t so fortunate. I just read about a 70-year-old man who died watching TV and no one knew for a year until police happened upon him. The police had been called to investigate More

Improving Communication and Meditation

A day in the life of my son:

 “How was your day?”football-meditation.JPG

“Not good. We lost in football and the other team cheated.”

“How did they cheat?”

“They had 40 kids on their team, football is more like with 9 or so; that’s the school rule.”

“Did you have fun playing football?”

“I was so angry throughout meditation.”

“Meditation? Where do you have meditation?”

“On the floor.”

“No, I mean who leads the meditation?” More

Who Wants to be Like Water?

I’ve been frustrated with my blogstipation today. I’ve been writing, but it hasn’t been “post-able.” I had this great humor idea, but I couldn’t get the picture to be clear enough for anyone to see — because the humor was in the visual it had to be clear or it wouldn’t have been funny. But, let me tell you, if I could have gotten it to work you would have laughed, and laughed, and laughed and — okay, at least you would have smiled or grimaced.

Before my funny attempt, I wrote two paragraphs of I-don’t-know-what. Yes, I hit the wall with a thud. My husband came to the computer in the midst of my angst, and I asked him what he wanted for dinner. He takes that to mean that I want him to make dinner; which he, of course, then interprets to mean he needs to go buy pizza. I went into the kitchen, opened the freezer and went back to my room. It seemed I was fresh out of any ideas on any thing, so I consulted a magazine I had laying around. I didn’t find any recipe ideas, but I read a great article.

The article was in Real Simple February issue (2007) and was written by Gail Blanke, a life coach. She related a story about when she was a little girl and had returned home from a birthday party crying. She was upset because a friend didn’t like her. Her mom told her that the only thing everyone likes is water — because it has no taste. She then asked Gail if she wanted to be like water just so everyone would like her.

A very simple concept I know, but it really hit home to me. I am new with this blog stuff and love that I am writing consistently again. However, I am also very competitive and a perfectionist (which is why writers so often drink heavily and use chemical stimulants) and want my blog to get tons of traffic. I often read different “experts” on blogging and sometimes implement their suggestions. Sometimes I feel like water (only no one needs me to sustain life) trying to please all the potential readers instead of being myself.

Who am I? I’m a little bit country, I’m a little bit rock n roll — oh, no, that was Donny and Marie. I’m a humor writer because that is how I view the world. I also find such enjoyment just out of encouraging and motivating people; sometimes that works through humor and other times it’s in a different type of blog. So, the battle I find myself in is what kind of blog is this? Can I laugh at the world and offer advice and encouragement at the same time? Can I truly be myself in this crazy blogosphere or do I need to be water. I am not water–no way. I’m closer to a smoothie, but sometimes I’m a soothing cup of tea. Hopefully, I am always, a-muse-ing.

What about you? Are you being yourself and what does that look like? There is only one you and, fortunately for the world, only one me!

What you ought to know about “The Secret”

I don’t know if you have heard, but “Secret” is the word. Not talking about deodorant or the latest way to generate traffic on your blog. This is a book that has been talked about on Oprah (which means $$$ in book sales) and is also a DVD. “The Secret” is book about the “law of attraction” –if you imagine it you can get it or “attract” it.

Rhonda Byrne, the author, says that it has worked for heCover Imager by improving her vision. She is 55 and formerly wore reading glasses. She says that she closed her eyes and imagined not needing glasses and in “three days” she didn’t need her glasses anymore. (People, February 19)   

The DVD is supposed to be better than the book, and very inspiring. Inspiring in that it encourages you to set goals and determine to achieve them. It also takes a look at some very intelligent people (like Einstein) who supposedly knew this secret and kept it a secret.

As with so many things,there is an element of truth in the book/DVD. You will have a better chance of achieving your goals if you:

1. Have a goal

2. Are determined to reach that goal

I think “The Secret” that many people know is that anything worthwhile usually takes determination and hard work. The book is popular because people want to believe life has an easy formula–we think and it happens. This starts to break down when you consider people in South Africa dying with AIDS or victims of Katrina. Did they not think positively enough? They couldn’t control what happened to them, but they can control how they face life now.

I tried to imagine that my teeth didn’t need any more dental work, but I still need to go to the dentist. Now if I imagined I didn’t need dental work when I was 10 years old and had a goal to stop eating candy and brushed my teeth more — I would have nicer teeth now!

There is much to say about having a positive attitude and facing obstacles with a great outlook. Most of my posts are intended to make you smile or laugh. Why? Because, I believe, unlike the book, I can’t control my circumstances all of the time, but I can control my attitude. I can get angry and upset every time something horrible happens, or I can pick myself up and laugh. Sometimes the laughter takes a long time, but it will surface, it always does. I would like to do more than just make you laugh; hopefully I make you think a bit too. But, if all I do is give you a smile–I could think of worse things to do with my time.