just a follow-up to my pharmacy thoughts

1. I want you to know this weekend I was able to eat Baskin Robbin’s Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream.  I know you were worried about this so I wanted you to know.

2. I know many of you were worried about how I left my kids in the car while I ran a quick errand. First of all, it was probably a total of 6 minutes and 27 seconds that I was actually  in the pharmacy or I would have had more thoughts going through my brain.

3. I love my kids and would never put them in harms way. If I leave them in the car: 

  • I make sure it is running just in case my 9 year old needs to move the car to a different parking spot.
  • I leave a loaded gun on the seat next to him so he can keep intruders away.
  • I leave a bag of hard candy for my 2 year old to munch on just in case he is hungry.
  • I put the radio on a rap station so they can learn new words.
  • I give my daughter a box of matches to play with so she doesn’t get bored.

So please don’t worry!

rest stop reform

This past weekend our family drove down to my sister’s house in the Los Angeles area. We had a nice time with my sister’s family and the drive wasn’t even too bad. On our trip back we had to stop at a rest area so my husband could take over driving. This had to be one of the yuckiest rest areas I have had the privelege to visit. I have been in rest stops across the US, but this one was not restful. Unless you call jumping over puddles as you head to the toilet restful.

As I was getting back into the car I realized that I wasn’t entering the car rested. Do we ever rest in rest areas? Normally we take care of business, stretch, buy a caffeinated bubbly beverage and/or sugary confection and get back into the car. Sometimes we throw the ball around with the kids. Not much rest happens–but,hopefully, the bathrooms are clean.

I, personally, think we need more rest at the rest areas. Forget those little vending machines –what about handing out graham crackers and milk and little mats for a quick nap like they did when we were in kindergarten?  How about some warm cocoa or cold iced tea after a chair massage?  Of course I’m talking about all of this for the adults. The kids need activity –they need to run through an obstacle course while the adults relax.

 I don’t know about you, but I think I am going to vote for the first presidential candidate that proposes a plan for nationwide rest area reform with graham crackers and milk and little mats. When you look at the candidates–the Democrats all sound alike and the Republicans all sound the same, but if one of them would just take a stand on an important issue like rest stop reform it would make them stand out from the pack.

Another benefit to eating chocolate?

I just read that the average chocolate bar has eight insect legs in it. What is so amazing is that I’ve never heard anyone promoting this added benefit. No, we hear about the antioxidants that help boost the immune system and fight cancer but do we hear about nature’s added protein?

I wonder if the nutrition label even reflects the insect-protein. Of course it probably depends on each bar. I imagine if you have one bar with eight fly legs in it, and another one with a two-wasp-leg/five-gnat-leg combination that the protein and carbohydrate count would be different. I would think the chocolate bar with grasshopper legs would be the most beneficial nutritionally–with all the jumping I’m sure those legs would be lean muscle.

The other thing I wonder about is the person in the lab with the microscope getting paid to count insect legs in chocolate bars. What kind of salary do you think that person brings home every couple of weeks? Does every chocolate bar maker have an insect leg counter on staff?

You don’t have to take my word for it, the next time you take a bite into your favorite Acme chocolate bar, stop, look for a microscope and start counting. Pat yourself on the back–you’re eating more protein than you thought! 

A mouse life

I’m glad I’m not a mouse used for research. I have no desire to be put in small plexiglass containers to see how I react to stress or pumped with drugs to see if I will develop cancer. I don’t want to find out if I can regrow a heart or limb after injecting fetal liver cells.

I don’t want the life of a mouse. The idea of those mazes really freaks me out. I couldn’t spend my days going through mazes–I get dizzy walking through shopping malls. How about spinning around and around on those little wheels? No wonder they only live to be around three years of age.

What about the life of a wild rat? Scrounging around in sewers looking for food–getting small parts in movies set in Europe during the renaissance period. No, I’d rather fight traffic to see how I react to stress and eat ice cream to see if I develop cancer. I’d rather not be used for testing, they can do that with my body after I’m gone. I’ll take a small part in a renaissance movie; however, as long as I don’t have to crawl through sewers.

4 seasonal thoughts to ponder

  1. Why does rain have to be wet?
  2. Why does snow fall?
  3. What is with swimsuit, bathing suit and birthday suit? Clearly these are all informal occasions so why the suit?* (I propose: swim and bathing threads and birthday robe)
  4. Why do trees have to be bare during the coldest time of the year?

 *In other countries where English is spoken well, they use the word costume instead of suit. Costume makes me feel as though I need to dress like Spiderman before I dive into the pool.

To Plan a Safe Neighborhood

Saturday morning my family and I decided to go for bagels only we ended up at the donut shop–not sure how that happened. Anyway, we did go for a walk after we shoved cinnamon rolls and maple bars down our throats, which means we netted zero calories. As we were taking our little walk trying to bring down our sugar high, we happened upon the worst street name I had ever seen. I’ve heard some humorous street names before like Constipation Ridge and Psycho Path, and our last home in Spain was on a street named after comic book characters, but I’d choose Psycho Path over this street –at least Psycho Path fits me a bit.

The neighborhood was a typical middle class neighborhood (if one of those exists in Northern California) and as far as we could tell the neighborhood was safe, but what were they thinking when they named a street Gunshot Court? Wouldn’t you hesitate a bit before buying a house on that street? Maybe the city planner was a big  Gunsmoke fan and they misspelled the sign? 

Can’t you just hear the phone call from 665 Gunshot Court:

911 operator: Yes, can I help you?

House owner: People are fighting next door and I just heard gunfire.

911 operator: Is anyone hurt?

House owner: Don’t know–please send an officer

911 operator: What’s your location, sir?

House owner: I’m at 665 Gunshot Court–the neighbor is at 663

911 operator: Are you for real?

House owner: Yes, it’s a street

911 operator: Okay, yeah, there’s an officer leaving Blood Alley she’ll be there ASAP–and sir, you might want to consider moving to Serenity Lane

Man caught cashing check from God

A man was arrested for trying to cash a check from God. He had an invalid Bank One check written out to him for $50,000 signed “King Savior, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Servant.” At first when I read this I thought, well, if God’s going to write a check why not go for a larger amount? Then I read that Kevin Russell had more checks written by God –one for $100,000. So I guess he decided to go for the lower amount so he didn’t look suspicious.

He was charged with one count check fraud, one count intimidation and one count for resisting arrest. How long do you think it took the cashier to realize it was a fraudulent check? What is the count of intimidation mean? Was he threatening to go to God if they didn’t cash it? I wonder who’s going to defend him in court?

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