Jobs for Writers

 First, I apologize for those of you who thought I actually had some writing jobs. I didn’t mean to lead you astray. But, I might inspire you so you just read on.

I have been thinking about this writer’s world, and how little money it brings in. I am now getting paid for my writing; however, I probably couldn’t even pay for my ice cream addiction on the amount I make on writing alone. So, I thought about other jobs that could supplement your writing income, and still give you time to do what you enjoy.

Limousine Driver/Chauffeur:

I figure there is probably some down time in this job which would be perfect for writing, or at least taping your thoughts on a recorder to be typed later into an award-winning novel.

Apparently, there are four main criteria for being a limousine chauffeur:

1. The back of your head must be attractive–no dandruff or lice or unsightly cowlicks.

2. You must be able to parallel park a limo.

3. You must be able to complete a 3-point turn on a narrow street in less than 1 minute.

4. You must be able to spell both the words “limousine” and “chauffeur”.

Snow Cone Shop Owner:

Now I would have thought this was a job that would take you out of the home; however, after a trip in an interesting part of a local California town, I found out that you can do this from home.

Apparently you can put a little snow cone kiosk right on your front lawn and make a killing!  And just think, all you need is ice, food-dye loaded corn syrup, and those thin, paper cones. Your inventory costs shouls be inexpensive — I hear ice is reasonably priced. Make sure you buy the very thin paper cone-cups, they shouldn’t last but a minute-probably only cost $1 for 1000 or so. You could write in the morning, and then walk out the front door and open up your little shop in the afternoon when the kids get out of school.

Postal Delivery person

My mailperson scares me everytime I am working on the computer when he delivers mail, because he is talking so loudly on his cell phone. I figure if he can talk on the phone while he delivers mail, writers could record their ideas while they are delivering mail. You will have to put up with the occasional angry dog or crocodile, heavy catalog deliveries, and working on Saturday. However, you will get every holiday off – even those no one else has off-and you might even get a flexible schedule. I know I can expect my mail carrier to delivery my mail anytime between 11:00 am and 6:30pm.

In the shoe aisle

Why do my harmless little trips to the “bulls-eye store” end up being an episode on I Love Lucy? Okay, I flatter myself, I’m not as funny as Lucy.

The other night I went to the “bull’s-eye” store (secret code) to pick up some party stuff for my son’s school. As I was walking by the shoe area, I noticed some cute ballet-style shoes. I’ve actually tried some of these shoes on before, and they feel like you are putting your foot in cardboard. Nevertheless, I decided I needed to try again–I was lured by the price.

I decided to just slip one on while I was standing. I took my boot off and slipped on the cardboard shoe. All of a sudden my calf started cramping, and I fell to the floor in pain. I felt so stupid, but I was in so much pain I could do nothing but roll around between the shoe aisles trying to get the cramp to stop. If that wasn’t bad enough, then I started getting dizzy. I immediately started thinking that maybe it wasn’t a cramp but a blood clot, and that I was having a heart attack. I knew there was probably something I should do, and moving my arms up and down sounded right. So, I started raising my arms and trying to get up.

After the headlines on the news went through my head (“Lady has heart attack trying on shoes in store”), my leg stopped cramping. I looked around to see if anyone was laughing, and was relieved that I didn’t see anyone. Of course my husband pointed out that security was probably got a good laugh out of it. Oh, yeah the hidden camera.

So I limped around the store, and knocked over some cereal boxes. I then decided that my shopping needed to be over. I headed for the cash register and managed to drive myself home without any medical problems.